Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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