I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
