I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
