I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
