I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
