idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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