did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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