the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
