Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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