The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
false alarm, still single
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
