I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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