so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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