Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I want to make a zoo with you.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
