Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
