News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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