she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How does one acquire holy water?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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