How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
