DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
