p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
