apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
