That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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