I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
