You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
