you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
