I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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