We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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