so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
