Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
