dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
