I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
