yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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