First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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