the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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