So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
