When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
