You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
