I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You are a genius and a whore.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
