Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
