it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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