my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
