I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
