So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
