I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
