you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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