I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
