the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
