I think im going to throw up on grandma
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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