You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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