I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
