Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
