also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
