The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
