I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
