How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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