The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
