I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
