I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
