I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
