The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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