in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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