Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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