Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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