fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
