yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
