need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have fence marks all over my body
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize