god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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